I’m sorry for wearing you on my sleeve
And giving you away as if you were but a stone which held me down
But you are a compass, a compass with a lost sense of direction
A compass which only points me to the closest point of comfort
A compass which shows me the place but not the path
And I always seem to fall down the waterfall
Drowning endlessly of my own downfall
I should be more careful when searching for the one who deserves your precious love
For my lungs have forgotten the aroma of fresh air and is intoxicated by the smoky waters
So now I sit waiting for you to return to my wrist so that I may build an impenetrable shelter around you, and I will leave Her the key to the back door, which has now been scorched and cut by the blades that came before.
I will protect you with my life and if you ever choose to see Her again I will make sure not to doubt you but instead look at what you’re staring
And determine why you as a holy spirit would be happy with such an earthly ordeal
But if you truly believe that She deserves it and is willing to let it out of Her fortified fortress I may not stop you.
Instead I will drown myself in the ecstasy of pain and suffer as the splinters slowly disintegrate and become part of my holy apparition.
I will travel across the globe only to hear her whispers,
I will tremble at the thought of her blizzard like words,
I will remember where we came from and I will not forget what you my darling desire above all.
You blind arrow of faith and discipline, hold Her gently in the cellars of your den but Don’t let her see the sun
For the light may hurt Her eyes and She may never return to catch another glimpse again.
I’m sorry for being caught up in the endless search for numbness
I have forgotten that it was you above all that let the holy breath enter my soul
I have forgotten that without you my heart would be but a stone beating anything but itself.
I hope you remember the times where balloons seemed to magically expand as I whispered onto you
The smoke now drowns out the pain and suffering, but I know that one day you will also turn your back on me and drown me with the essence of my youth.
Forgive me for I have forgotten how to breathe and instead I learned how to inhale, and I know that you don’t like it very much,
But it was you who showed me Her ways and it was You who showed Her the way to my brain.
I’m sorry for not respecting your thoughts as if they were my own
I’m sorry for always blaming you when you were merely a bystander in the war between my heart and my lungs.
It was you who gave me doubt when they gave me hope of never-ending bliss.
I should have listened to you Oh holy one for You know me better then yourself and I am, but a mindless impulse filled puppet without you.
I am sorry for showing you only giggles of the world and bothering you with minimalist ideas of love and wonder
When it was You who always tried to keep me on track.
I know that one day soon you will also turn your back on me but please oh godly one, do not lead me astray and do not delude me with your wicked ways as the heart once had.
I should have sheltered you from the things that seemed unseen and I should have listened to You more
But god help me if it was not also You who showed me the ways of sin and pointed my attention to a place where a heart does not belong.
I tried to see things as they were, and I am sorry for trying to disobey your perception
I should let you play me as a fool for you know better then me what I should be looking at.
Thank you for letting me see the blindness in others and showing me ways in which I was blind myself.
Thank you for showing me the beauty of color and the aroma of Her.
I know that You most among the rest have missed her.
It was You who showed me what a smile can do to my heart, but it is also You who will suffer ever after it is gone.
Why are you so shy?
Why don’t you follow the heart but instead listen to the foul mouth of the brain?
He fears drowning and falling helplessly out of love,
But you my darling hands have taught me how to swim and how to defend myself from the outside evils.
But you can do so much more then open doors so please open a window and start swimming!
I know you miss her most, but it was your words which drove her away.
It was her soft kisses after all which has let my heart fall into the pit of despair trying to throw itself at everything that moves or shows any ability to give something more.
Sometimes I wish you could just stay quiet and mind your own business
I wish for you to think about food and water and nothing else
But don’t be fooled for at times you clench so hard it makes my teeth rattle and I just want to yell “I love you!” but I know He won’t let you
The brain has seen through her charm which the heart was easily deceived by.
You my dear will shout her name from the rooftops only to hear you soft echo again.
Sometimes you get so distracted by the thoughts that you forget she is standing right there.
Listen wisely for hearing is the only way for us to know what her mouth is thinking.